The Human Juicer, Day 4

My Friend the Juicer 

Day 4. Someone please pinch me! I cannot be on the same diet. JMJ What the heck is going on? It just might be that I had my breakthrough moment when I woke this morning. I woke up, slightly sweaty, but feeling like I had the best sleep I've ever had. I wasn't in any sort of agony! All day, I kept waiting for the shoe to drop; for the leg pain to come back, the headaches to return, the desire to gnaw on my own leg...but nothing. Not a single thing. Very Strange. 

Something else very strange happened. My husband found a recipe online. That's not all. He went to the store and bought the ingredients for our "Juice Friendly" recipe. Are you ready for the best part? He also made the whole thing! We had a fantastic mix of veggies with an Asian style dressing. Oh my! Who do I love more, my 'now-perfect husband' or the Juice, for the transformation??

All in all, I am ok letting go of all of the badness that has built up inside me for so many years. I am ok with drinking most of my meals because I know it is all goodness. I am definitely ok with my husband coming home with groceries and making dinner! What the heck will tomorrow bring??

The Human Juicer, Day 3

So, what happened to day 2? Good question. I would love to answer this one for you, except, I think I have selective memory and I blocked it out. If you ever decided to go on a juice diet, you might want to do the same; and, here are some more tips for you: don't watch tv (too many food commercials), don't do this diet with your spouse and look for sympathy (you are both equally miserable), don't plan on exercising (you will have no energy), and don't, whatever you do, order pizza (don't give up!).

Day 3 started off far worse than it ended. I woke up with incredible leg cramps from the waist down. At one point, I actually thought that I was starving to death, so I Googled "starvation mode" just to make sure I was ok. When I did this, pictures of little kids from Ethiopia came up, and I realized, I was overreacting just a tad. I started the day off with a grapefruit and apple juice. That fought off the hunger for most of the morning. For lunch, I made my famous "Tomato Salad." (Yes, you can eat any and all raw fruits and veggies) This salad has been a favorite of mine since I was a kid, and making it was my way of rebelling against the Juice. It was about this time that I became very angry at the Juice. Every-time I would think about making a veggie one, I gagged. But my will power was too strong to break the diet. The result was that I became very hungry!

Jonny came home from work ready to tackle a burger. I think he was imagining coming home to the the grill fired up with a London broil, mashed potatoes, and veg. What he got instead was my will-power winning the battle of Will-power vs. Juice. So, that's pretty much how to describe Day 3: Juice-0, Michelle-1.

The Human Juicer

The Royal Buffet

After watching the movie Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead the hubby and I decided to purchase a juicer and go on a juicing reboot. Today was day 1 of the new juice diet. If you haven't seen the movie, you are probably wondering what the great inspiration was to suddenly run out and buy a juicer. My husband, who over the past year has probably only eaten a handful of veggies, is actually the force behind this movement. To sum up the movie, 2 men who are over 400 lbs embark on a healthier lifestyle, and jumpstart it by juicing. Spoiler alert- the results are miraculous! 


So here we are. I made a trip to the Farmers' Market today and bought $35.00 worth of fruit and veggies. I even brought home veggies I have never seen before. When Jon came home from work, we made "dinner." I had all of the veggies outside on our table (there is not enough room in my fridge). Jon coined it "The Royal Buffet." We went to town, putting together all sorts of combinations. I picked what I thought was going to be the grossest combo - 1 beet, 2 apples, 1 carrot, 1 cucumber, and 2 peaches. It is unbelievable how mother nature can make that combo quite appealing. 

Jonny Juice

All in all, day 1 has not been bad. Keeping my mind off of food has been impossible. I guess that is the whole reason for this blog post- to prevent my lack of will power from taking over. I plan to do this for the next 10 days. I used to have a very healthy lifestyle for a very long time; I was a vegetarian for a long time, exercised regularly, and was very active. Over the last 5 years, I have moved further and further away from this. Hopefully, this juicing reboot will get me back on track, or at least point me in the right direction. 


I apologize now for being one-of-those people who blog about their diets. I guess I now just "get it." All of "those people," are actually just hungry!

I think I need stitches

My friends and family can tell you, that it is without fail, I somehow manage to ruin holidays and vacations with trips to the ER. I would not call myself a "sick" person, rather just clumsy. I am reminded of these, less than joyful occasions, as I sit here, on my first day of summer vacation, with my foot propped up and bandaged. 


In no particular order, I guess I am apologizing for all of the co-pays, cold kielbasa, and warm lemonade my family endured. 


Christmas, 1999
Pneumonia got the best of me. Hospitalized for tearing abdominal muscles. Yes, the doctors were trying to kill me. 


Valentine's Day, 2006
Pneumonia returned. In bed with for a week, hacked for months. Truly romantic <3. 


Summer, 1994
I can skateboard, not! Torn ligaments in ankle. On crutches for 6 weeks.


Summer, 1990
Handstand on scooter- do not try this at home. Chipped jaw bone and missing chin. 13 stitches, plastic surgery and a year's worth of drs visits. Not allowed in the sun. 


Summer, 1996
Dorney Park Migraine- locked in a hospital storage closet for hours because they could not shut the lights off in the patient room.  


Summer, 2011
Frankenfoot. So, who ever said I went to med school? 24 hours after the weatherstripping on the door butchered my toe, (and after Dar..who's life motto is "tough it out" said "that is really bad. I'm not touching it"), I headed to the ER for my No-so-Mc. Dreamy Dr. and his side kick Nurse Tony to tell me, "I think you need stitches." After a little pedicure joke, I convinced them that glue and a tetanus shot was all I really needed. Day 1 of summer vacation, D.U.N.  


Hopefully, I do not have any more to add. There were a ton of bumps and bruises along the way. Many broken fingers and migraine trips to the ER. Oh well. 

Generation Gap

When did I get this way and how in the world did it happen? I can remember what my mother looked like at my age. When I was a child, I can remember what it was like to meet a "grown up." When I was in college, I believed that anyone who was not of college age was out of date. I am now 32 years old and can already notice the attitudinal and behavioral progress creeping towards old. As a teacher, I fall in generation gaps all of the time. Here are some differences I've noticed in myself. 

• I try my best to save money for "a rainy day" (i.e. the furnace breaks) as opposed to "going out"
• Kids walking through my yard annoy the crap out of me. (and yes, I do yell at them)
• I will use anything to get that glowing youthful skin. 
• My work clothes are modest and don't require me to flaunt to get a tip. 
• "Going out after work" means I am running to Target
• My handbag is not a fashion statement it is a status symbol
• I have new hobbies! Gardening, cleaning, interior decorating, and dog walking. 
• "Things" bother me - the bad driver, the kid who walks in front of my car, the coupon that is not accepted because of some restriction, people/services arriving late
• I pay for the things I read at Borders. (and I skip the overpriced coffee)
• I have not willingly seen 2am in a long time....(exclude insomnia and caffeine overdose) 
• I bought new hangers for fun...really..I did. 
• I don't walk because I have to, I do it for exercise.
• I can tell my favorite bands/tv shows/commercials to my students and they have no idea what I am talking about. 
• Clothing I wore when I was younger is "coming back" (aka flannel & stirrups) 
• I talk to my dr. about "family history" and things I might be "at risk"
• I am more than 2xs as old as my youngest student.
• My students don't remember 9-11
• I now believe manners and good work ethic are more important than a fancy degree.
• I buy quality clothes because they last longer.
• I am ok with me being me. 

Overall, change is a good thing. Every once in a while, when you are caught up on life's journey, it is good to stick your head out the window and scream, no matter how old you are. And, for the record, although I don't feel like I am aging gracefully, I would never want to be any younger than what I am now. 

Poor Michelle's Almanac

So suddenly summer sprung upon me, half unprepared and yet, more than willing to be thrown into the arms of the sunshine. I find myself staring at the calendar knowing that this time will go by all too fast. My year-round employed friends and family simply roll their eyes, and sigh, "You poor thing." Seriously, take away the sarcasm, and I am going to have to completely agree. Poor, poor me, with an unrestricted amount of time, no children to be pining over, and over a million items on my task list. I think the only other people that can fully understand (and appreciate) my situation, are those in the blue-haired club that spend their days fitting in a game of golf or bridge, a trip to the salon, and bounce grandchildren on their knee. You laugh, but I have something strangely in common with these folk: what do I do with all of my time? Unlike the retired crowd, I have not quite reached the pay-scale of "afternoons at Mohegan," or "country club crowd." My luxurious gym membership consists of walking around Lake Scranton. My garden is less than lush as I try to grow plants from seed instead of picking out the freshest in blooms from the local nursery. 


In an attempt to make the most of my time, I devised a schedule, in the spirit of Benjamin Franklin. 


Morning question: What good shall I do this day?
7:00  am Wake, wash, eat breakfast
7:30  am Exercise 
9:00  am Wash
10:00 am Work on camp
1:00  pm lunch
1:30  pm Work in art studio (to be preceded with "create an art studio") or garden
4:30  pm Break 
5:00  pm Dinner
6:00  pm Summer reading/develop school lessons
8:00  pm Put things in their places, music, diversion, conversation. 
11:00 pm sleep 
Evening question: What good have I done today? 


Summer goals:

• Prepare an amazing week at camp
• Create an art studio
• Take an accounting class
• Read 10 novels
• Create lesson plans for next year
• Create storage space in my house
• Develop a good tan without burning
• Spend more time at the lake
• Trip to Texas
• Trip to Maine
• Go to the beach
• Work on flower beds 
• Install a fence (well, hire someone anyway)

And this is just the start! Be sure to check back to see how well I am progressing! 

Eat this and call me in the morning.

Nearly 3 years ago, I was diagnosed with pre-cancer in my uterus. This rare condition for someone of my age, has had me on the offence. My goal: I will not give cancer an excuse to enter my body. I had surgery to remove the cells and take monthly hormone treatments to balance off my estrogen dominance. I have changed my diet and lifestyle. The following is my recipe for good health, concocted by my mystery-doctor chef. 

• Briskly walk 30-60 min. daily
• Take folic acid, 400 mg. or less daily
• Avoid soy and soy products, high in estrogen
• Meat is good protein, eat organic meat, free from hormones
• Eat Sardines in oil and wild caught salmon, they have Omega-3
• Eat fish 2-3 times a week or take fish oil that is molecularly distilled
• Use organic low fat milk, free from hormones
• Maintain ideal body weight
• Avoid refined sugar
• Avoid fried foods
• Sleep 8 hours a night
• Drink clean water, free from heavy metals, chlorine, and fluoride
• Drink green tea only sweetened with honey (contains ECGC a cancer preventer)
• Eat plenty of fruits and veggies, organic on thin-skinned varieties  

It is plain to see that although my condition has brought me to this diet, all this diet really is, is how we used to eat, drink, and behave. Modern commercial foods and busy lifestyles seem to have dictated the proto-typical American diet, one comprised of convenience foods and pleasure treats. I can't imagine a doctor saying to anyone, "eat hormone-injected meat, an excess of refined sugar products , and lay off the exercise." I am posting this  so you too can get back to basics, enjoy real food, and live a healthy life. Eat this, and call me in the morning.